Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
