eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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