Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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