i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
