i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
