I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
This is classic penis vs brain.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
