I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
