The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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