if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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