So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
