he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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