I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
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