i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
My ass is underappreciated
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
