Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
