i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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