life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
