He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
We need to get me chipped asap
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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