She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
