"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
