I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
