Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
