There is no way he is gay with that hair.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
