areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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