Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
