Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
