its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
