ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Never joke about your clitoris.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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