So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
