I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
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We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
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if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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