The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
