I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
