omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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