I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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