I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
