Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
