I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
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What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
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I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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