I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
