Did you just see the Batmobile???
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize