i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
