there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
