It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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