Having a random hookup so left but love u
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
