I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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