i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
just tell him i said nine months
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
