Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
