Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
