Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I am mentally ready for anal.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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