I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
4 words: hood of his car
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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