The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
