I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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