I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
