He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
