Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Randomize
