My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
