marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
