: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
