I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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