I never want to see another naked old woman again.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
