Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Mom said you looked used
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize