I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize