Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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