she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Randomize
