she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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