Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
