walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
