Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
