How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
