ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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