I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Randomize
