i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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