Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
